My grandma and grandpa were 8 years apart. Who would have thought she would go first. She was put into assisted living about a year ago. She enjoyed her first few months there then she began to go downhill quickly. She fell and broke her arm, she had urinary tract infections which caused other problems and infections and she had some dementia. She was on oxygen and in a wheelchair and stared at the walls until an aid came by and moved her somewhere else. Not a quality of life at all. Her suffering has come to an end. This is the letter I wrote my grandma and read at her funeral.
My dear loving grandmother,
My heart is full of so many different emotions, thoughts and memories of you. I don’t know what to say but I don’t want to say goodbye without saying something, without letting you know how much I love you. I can’t believe your life on this earth has come to an end. I feel it all happened too quickly but I don’t think I would ever have enough time to prepare myself for your loss. Instead, I must tell myself how blessed I was to share 31 years of my life with you. You were an important part of my childhood, you got to watch me grow into a young woman, see me get married and have children of my own and be in a small part of their lives.
I have so many memories of you through out the years. I have listed my memories in order from my childhood on up. I remember when I was 5 or 6 me and Courtney had a sleep-over at your house. You cooked dinner and I told you I didn’t feel like eating because my tummy hurt but you made me eat it anyway. That night Courtney and I slept in your bed. Courtney was rudely awakened by the sound of me throwing up in my sleep. You were mad that I threw up in your bed but you later called and apologized. After that you never let me sleep in your bed again and you made me sleep on the floor with a bucket next to me.
I always loved going to “grandma’s” house. I liked the shag red carpet, beads in the doorway, lava lamps, nick knacks from around the world, the gumball machine and of course the park across the street. I remember wanting to take my friends to my grandma’s house so they could see how cool it was. The highlight was finding pennies to put in the gumball machine; until I was about 8 then I learned how to unscrew the top off using the pennies. Then I could just take a handful of gumballs and pocket the pennies. You gave that gumball machine to Whitney for Christmas and now I have it in my home to look at every day and remind me of those memories. Now my 3 year old son knows how to steal the gumballs.
I also remember you would come over and want to see our new school clothes. You always wanted me to model them for you. It was like a fashion show because you wanted to see every outfit. I of course didn’t mind because I liked to model.
Another fond memory I have was the year that we spent Christmas with you and grandpa in Quartzsite Arizona. I think I was about 11 years old. You and grandpa spent a lot of time there in the winter. We had a nice quiet Christmas as a family then we went to church at a local church house and ate Christmas dinner at a truck stop. We went shopping at a flea market. I called out “grandma” and a man working there said to you “you don’t look old enough to be a grandma”. You were tickled pink! I remember how devastated you were when you sold your 5th wheel and had to start spending the winters at home. We all know how much you hated the cold. You kept your thermostat set at 90 degrees in the summertime!
You always wanted to make sure the family was together during the holidays. Thanksgiving and Christmas won’t be the same without you. I remember every Christmas after Courtney and I opened our presents we would put our gifts in a pile so that when you came over you could see what we got. I remember that on Easter we would go to your house and show you our Easter dresses and what the Easter Bunny brought us. You of course would always pick a treat out of our baskets for yourself!
You always told me, “Stay your sweet self and don’t ever change”. I remember when I turned 11 or 12 you said that I was going to be a bratty teenager. I told you I was not a teenager yet. You said I was close enough; I was a “tween”. But you always reminded me to stay my sweet self and to never change. And you always told me how proud you were of me. I hope I can continue to make you proud as you watch over me from above.
I remember you and grandpa used to come stay at our house and babysit us when my mom and dad would go on vacation. One time while you guys where watching us you took me and Courtney and a few of our friends to Lagoon and spent the whole day with us. I remember your favorite ride was the scrambler. You had to tie a scarf around your head so your wig would not fly off.
When I reached my college years you, my mom and I took a road trip to St. George to help me register for college and find an apartment. Then we took a drive out to Kanab. You loved taking road trips and sightseeing. You always looked forward to it. I wish I had more memories of traveling with you. You had a love for traveling and seeing the world. I know you built many memories with my mother on your ventures around the world together. I wish I would have had the opportunity to travel with you to Africa or see the Panama Canal.
I remember how hard it was to tell you that I was moving to St. George. I was sad, upset and crying. Not only was I crying because I was sad but I also thought you were going to be mad at me for moving. I was sad to move away from my family and sad that you guys would not get to see my children grow. I made every effort to drive to Salt Lake to visit as much as possible. Every time I drove up you would worry yourself sick about me driving all that way. You could not figure out why my kids had to be in a car seat. You thought it was a hassle and a lot of work. But, I always looked forward to bringing my kids to come visit you because I loved to see the excitement on your face and how much joy they brought to you. I know you truly loved them with all your heart. I will never forget the times you held them in your arms and stared in their eyes, the times you fed them a bottle or kissed their entire bodies or the time you gave Whitney a bath. I will cherish those memories forever. And I can only wish that you could have been in their lives longer.
A few random memories of you are: You had an amazing love for animals especially cats. My mom would bring you to our house just so you could get your “furry loves” in. You loved See’s chocolates and circus peanuts, reading, watching your shows, listening to Rush Limbaugh and saying the word “gads”. I could never figure out why you always kissed our arms and legs. You hated noise and living by the park especially during the fun-o-rama . You were very outspoken and not afraid to voice your opinion or say it how it is. You were always paranoid about things that were out of your control and you always nagged me to wear moisturizer.
My last memory of you was when I went to the care center to visit you. We sat and ate lunch together, had a nice visit and did an art project. You sat and watched Whitney make her project. I reminded you that she was your Great Grand-daughter and you proudly said “oh, really? Well isn’t she a doll?” You were always the first to say that she had your good looks or your talents and that she was just like you. You were so proud of her and loved her so much. It broke my heart the day that you did not remember her. May you be her guardian angel and proudly watch over her from above.
Now you have graduated and moved on into the presence of our Savior. May you find peace and happiness in the arms of our Heavenly Father and have a joyous reunion with your mother, father, siblings and Rory. It is my testimony I bear to you, I know our family will be together again and live an eternal happiness. May you rest in peace til’ we meet again.
Whitney has such a sweet spirit. She wrote her great b-ma a letter and drew her a picture. The picture was of grandma in heaven with our 2 cats that have passed on and our family outside of heaven. After I read her letter and saw the picture it made me cry. Here is a picture of her picture and what she wrote.
The hardest part of all of this was seeing how upset and confused my grandpa was. Because he suffers with dementia he is forgetful. He kept asking why she died over and over again. He had to keep reliving that moment over and over in his mind. He was so upset and in tears all day. He aslo kept confusing me, my mom and Whitney. He would not let go of Whitney because he thought she was my mom. When he saw me look over the casket he asked if I was her daughter. My Uncle reminded him that I was the grand-daughter. I hated seeing my grandpa like this. it broke my heart.
We had a family prayer and had a chance to say our final goodbye. My grandpa stood up out of his wheelchair with the help of his aid and his son Randy. He leaned over the casket and tried to bend over to give her a kiss goodbye. He could not reach her so he kept trying. Finally his bishop helped by holding up my grandmother's head so my grandpa could give her his final kiss. There was not a dry eye in the room.
This was the last memory I have of my grandpa because 1 week later he died.
