ICU Day 5

Mom had a rough night. She didn't get much sleep. The nurse kept coming in because of her breathing. She is back up to 100% oxygen. They will consider moving her to regular hospital care when she gets down to 50% oxygen. It sounds like she is going to be here awhile. She is having an emotional day today. She doesn't understand how she got sick so fast and she doesn't understand why she isn't getting better. She keeps saying, "This isn't me. Usually I bounce right back". I told her it is going to take some time and she needs to be patient and allow time for the medication to start working. She said, "I almost died!" Yes mom, you probably would have died if dad didn't bring you in when he did. She keeps wondering if she could have done something different to avoid getting to this point. She said, "maybe I stayed in St. George too long." She wants to go home really bad. We told her we want her to go home to. She has not been home for 4 months because she has been down in St. George with me during the winter months. She told the nurses to leave her alone so she can get some sleep. She didn't eat breakfast and all she had for lunch was some chicken broth and a few bites of jello. She is starting to lose her appetite. After she took a little nap I helped her use the bedside commode. I have put my CNA skills to use. I wiped my mothers bottom for the first time then I gave her a bed bath. When I was a CNA I knew the time would come when I would have to assist my aging parents but I never expected it would be when my mother was at the young age of 59. It breaks my heart to see my mother like this. I feel so helpless. I told her I would take it all away if I could. I would rather be the one suffering. I'm starting to feel like I'm dreaming. It feels like I'm stuck in a nightmare and I can't wake up. It is starting to take a toll on me and I have almost reached my breaking point. It is so depressing being here. I miss my husband and kids. I want to go home yet, I want to be here with her. I hope to see some progress soon because I'm starting to lose hope that she is going to get better and I'm starting to lose faith because my prayers are not being answered.